There’s
something funny that starts to happen when mid-June rolls around in your
seventeenth or eighteenth year. Your ears start to ring with the chords of “Pomp
and Circumstance”, and in your dreams you see tassels and scrolls bearing your
name and degree. Maybe it’s a doctorate, or maybe it’s just a high school
diploma, but either way it’s a huge milestone. After all, you’ve labored for a
decent number of years in order to hold that piece of paper in your sweaty
hands over homework, tests, and oral presentations. But within the last few
days, I’ve been feeling something a little more intricate than just
pre-graduation excitement. I’ve realized just how far I’ve come along as a
person and a human being. I know I’m not the first one to make this
realization, too, but I feel it necessary to share it with you. Who knows,
maybe you’ll connect with me on this level. I sure hope so.
Let’s
think about it this way: in the beginning, you were a single cell. And since
then, you’ve developed a whole lot more (go mitosis!). But you’ve grown a lot
more than just simple cell reproduction. You’ve grown traits and emotions and a
backstory all your own, no longer a character stuck in developmental stages. As
young children, we learned the basics of ourselves and of our species: walking,
basic linguistics, and coordination. We were taught the basic principles of
humanity; that we are creatures of habit, the difference that society has
taught us between right and wrong, the value of friendships and other
relationships. As we grew older, we began to realize that our friends were
shaping us. Maybe we didn’t realize it all at first, but after a while we began
to see changes, small differences that we might not have noticed before. Maybe
Suzie persuaded us to join the town soccer team, or maybe Peter helped to show
us how much fun trombone is to play and practice. The fact of the matter is
that even at the young age of five or six, we were beginning to develop traits
that are all our own.
As we
grew even older and moved on to higher forms of schooling we witnessed
ourselves changing even more, developing talents and personality quirks,
various combinations that were exclusive only to us. While some of us stuck
with band from middle school on, others quit after the first year and moved on
to a range of sports teams or school theatrical productions. Each interest we
pursued, each friend that we made or grew apart from shaped us in ways that we
don’t even begin to see until the tail end of maturity.
So what
brought on this philosophical idea upon which this blog is centered? The answer
is simple: I’m graduating. I’m moving on with my life, growing up and out of
the town I’ve lived in since grade school and away from family and other loved
ones. And with all this change that’s going on around me, I decided to take a
moment and look in at the change that I’ve made in myself. Going back through
my memories, the good and the bad, I’ve realized exactly how much I’ve changed.
Just four years ago people terrified me. Sure, I had friends, but I wasn’t what
you’d call extroversive. Always willing
to succumb to others’ perceptions of me and submit to their will, I was never
one to see any part of me that was good. I acknowledged that I had talents, but
any sort of failure I made outweighed them. But I feel that, especially within
the last four years, I’ve blossomed. I’ve come to accept myself, triumphs and failures
alike. I’ve learned that there is and only ever will be one Stephanie Gabbey,
and that she is me. I’ve discovered myself, all my talents, all my interests,
all my goals. Within the last four years I’ve done more than just find out what
I want to do with the rest of my life. I’ve gathered understanding of myself
that I hadn’t before. And now I can stand before all who may read this and say
with an honest and straight face, I truly know myself.
0 comments:
Post a Comment