On Proper Grammar

It is annoying enough,

Trying to read something that you could not possibly care less about

In your English class.

It is far more vexing, I propose,

To be forced to read the same

Uninspiring,

Dull,

Monotonous garbage when it looks as though the author tried

Blindly experimenting with what used to be

Conventional English grammar.

It seems unimportant to you that

The pronoun used when speaking about yourself,

Dear writer,

Should be capitalized at any given point.

Commas should be used, in the middle, of sentences

Without care, for where they should,

Actually reside.

And God Himself forbid that you should

Give even an

Inkling of comprehension when it comes to the distinction between

Commas,

Periods.

And semicolons;

Because every person’s greatest joy,

In this world and in any other world,

Is to try to decipher your

Poor, deplorable penmanship –

If you can even call it anything more than lines

Haphazardly crossing over each other as if they were blind and knew not their direction themselves –

And determine exactly, when you intend to use

Each part of grammar properly,

Apostrophes are a thing of the past,

Why use them at all?

Surely no one need’s to remember that apostrophes are used

To signify a possession;

An idea such as that is completely absurd and unheard of to your poor,

Pathetic little mind’s.

According to your own book of grammar, sentences do not need any sort of

Verb to classify themselves as sentence’s at all.

“Why can toast” sounds like a

Perfect sentence to you;

Sentences that read as if you just answered a question –

“because we thought good idea” –

Are scattered throughout your essay like a homogeneous mixture;

As if you had no care for the rest of us innocent souls

Trying so hard to decode your

Unsavory gibberish.